And the motto is:
Be Careful What You Say
A "Compliment" Can Turn Bad
Before I get into this, I want to say - the person really did mean well, and I love them still.
So, I remember the first time I got up the nerve to show "Before and Progress" Pictures to a friend. I had lost about 25-30 pounds at that point from what was my highest weight... then anyway. I showed the two pictures, and for a moment the person was stunned. Then they stated something along the lines of this:
"Wow, you're looking good. I just can't believe you really looked like that before."
Thanks... really. I totally understand you mean well and are excited about my progress. Yet, did you really hear what just gushed out of your mouth? That person was still me. I was still the friend you liked. Were you lying back then any time you complimented me on "how I looked today".
But then I think whatever, its not like I'm going to be that anymore anyway - so I don't have to worry about it. But then comes the kicker... I gain back the weight...
and more.
Oh crap. Now, I have stuck in my head, "Well, if they thought I was hideous x amount of pounds ago, I wonder what they really think of me now."
Now, being a rational person, I know that my friends love me and they really don't care about my weight. That's why they're my friends. So, I don't really worry about my friend's judgement.
It just makes me think of strangers reactions. The ones that couldn't give a flying hippopotamus about me. They look at me in disgust, and believe me, I know this by catching some of them. My mind goes straight back to that little truth my friend let slip (because I'm not going to be dense enough to ignore the reality). Yet, sometimes, reality sucks...
and that compliment becomes a nagging bother in the back of my head. It will probably always be there until I get under that number that got deemed bad and ugly.
Weight is a touchy subject; Especially with women, with our hormones and all. So the moral of the story is, as I said above, be careful what you're really saying. It may have more and a different effect than what you and the person receiving it actually wanted it to be.
I know how this one goes.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend say something hurtful to me.
I had lost 40 lbs and I took a before and during pic and showed her and she said...keep in mind, she knows I have food issues and she's a therapist (LSW)...she said..."I can't see a difference."
AUGH.
CRUSHING DEFEAT!
It really hurt, then I gained the weight back. I've now relost the 40 and lost 2 more on top of that. She recently wanted to hang out. I know it's ridiculous but I'm waiting until I lose 30 more lbs until I see her again.
Don't want to be hanging with her and inside having been proud of my accomplishment and then knowing she doesn't see all I've worked for too.
I hate that I care.
I told her all of this. She said I misunderstood and she wasn't being mean, but still...
Being a therapist, she should understand the important part is the way you perceived what she said - and apologized when you said something.
ReplyDeleteAnd ANY good friend should know when you're showing a before and now pic to react lol!