WLS Update, and Miscellaneous Life BS

Yesterday I finally go the low down on what has been going on, and why after about 2 months I hadn't heard from the Bariatric Surgery Center. The person who was supposed to do my paperwork FILED the paperwork, but didn't actually send it out. They made sure to say that the person isn't working there anymore.

Good, because they didn't want to hear from me.

So, now at least the center has my information, and will be sending me more info in the mail. My first sort of appointment there is on APRIL 12. Three months after this all started. *sigh*

The appointment is more like a group informational session for people who are interested in the surgery; and everyone can bring ONE guest. It sounds like they think its a party. They'll give me more information about the surgery (I wonder if I'll actually learn any new information). If after that meeting I still want to go through with it (duh) I'll fill out some sort of "questionnaire" as they called it. Then I get to wait even longer for a real appointment.

oh joy.

If you can't tell I'm just a bit bitter and frustrated right now. Its not only because of the appointment. In general, this week has been really bad with depression, anxiety, and even financially. 

In terms of the oxygen, I'm feeling a bit better/less tired in the mornings, but depression and anxiety wise I just don't want to get out of bed. All my problems have been hitting me a lot harder this week. I've spent quite a bit of time crying in secret. I just hate myself. There's not much more detail in it. The feeling of total revulsion at myself and my life is overwhelming. I just don't want to leave my house. For one, leaving involves some sort of pain, period, its just the truth. Second, I hate to show the world this person I am. Who really wants to see fat 'ol me waddling down the sidewalk in pain. Well, at least it will give everyone else a schadenfreude moment. There's so much more, but I don't know how to articulate it right now.

Classes are going, well, terrible. There's one class that there's absolutely no possibility of me passing because I got so far behind. Yet, I can't withdraw because it will bring me to be a part time student instead of a full time student - then I'll owe the school more (we'll get to the details on that in a moment)I'm not doing so hot in the other either. You can only do so well when you miss class. Then when I want to pick up the pieces, I get anxious and don't know what to do. It looks like I'm not putting effort in from an outside perspective, but even just getting out of my house once or twice a week is a huge success for me.

Though I did hear that certain people think I'm pregnant because I'm "sick" all the time and don't leave my house. That was kinda funny.

People are going to tell me to go to counseling, I know it. I'm not averse to it (I'm a freaking Psych major), but with all the other medical stuff going on, I just don't want to deal with that too right now.

Money wise, I received a bombshell today. Not only am I not getting the $1,200 extra I was supposed to get (and use for rent), I now owe the college about $900.  Now, there IS a way to get the money. I have to have two professors sign a paper saying I'm putting forth effort in the class (to get my TAP back from the academic stuff that happened last semester that made me ineligible). Now look above to what I said. I'm not really doing well in anything, and it looks like I'm not really doing anything from the outside. Oh, what am I going to do: refer them to my blog? Ya, I can see their reaction on that. Its called I don't give a f*ck. I already dropped a class this semester because of that from the professor. I can't drop any more. So, I have to pay the money. 

Oh, then there's our car we have to fix for another $900. We have $600 from our tax return, and $300 of the $1,200 I didn't get was supposed to go to it. Also we've lost the money for 2 months of rent which we really needed.

Someone put me out of my misery. : /

The only option I really have is to get another job. My current job is great, and it is sit down, so it doesn't cause me pain. However, I only get 8 hours a week. My husband has 2 jobs. He works at the same place as me (8 hours a week) and he also works at Price Chopper. Price Chopper doesn't ever give him many hours. He's lucky if he gets 2 days a week, and if he gets 3 we jump for joy. 

I'm not so excited about getting another job because it is going to be a stand up job (and not in the positive way). I'm just going to have to get something and deal with the back pain. I may be in pain during every shift, but I have to have the money to survive and get by. I'm applying first to the local piercing places (one actively hiring, one not) because if I have to do it, I might as well try for somewhere I LIKE to be. 

I did give you guys a teaser that food info would be coming soon, and I'll try to get to that this weekend or early next week. I just have a lot on my plate (was that pun intended or not?) right now.